“Junto a todo gran hombre hay una gran mujer”

Seguro que habéis visto en muchas ocasiones reportajes de hombres que habían triunfado en su actividad profesional pero que, a la vez, presumían de familia, de la que se ocupaba, principalmente, su esposa. Es entonces cuando venía la frase “detrás de todo gran hombre hay una gran mujer”.

En el fondo, lo que subyace cuando se dice eso es algo que compruebo día a día: la poca valoración social del trabajo de llevar una casa, que en el fondo es el trabajo de desarrollar una familia.

A veces hay excepciones públicas. Traigo tres ejemplos:

Pablo Prigioni, ex-jugador de baloncesto. Esta es su carta de despedida.

Ryan Gosling, actor multi premiado, homenajea a su mujer al recibir el Globo de Oro por uno de sus papeles (puedes leer la noticia completa pinchando aquí).

 

Rio Ferdinand, ex-jugador de fútbol, reconociendo el papel de su fallecida mujer (puedes leer el resto de la noticia pinchando aquí).

Pero estos casos citados no son la norma, sino la excepción.

¿Qué es lo que ha pasado hasta ahora?

Hasta hace poco (principios de la década de los 90), el hombre traía el sueldo y la mujer se encargaba de la crianza y de todas las tareas del hogar, trabajo que recibía el nombre de “sus labores”. Hoy es raro escuchar esa expresión, pero se ha sustituido por otra que me parece todavía peor: “es una maruja”.

En este modelo sucedían, en muchas ocasiones, situaciones de desequilibrio en las que ellas, al depender económicamente de ellos, se encontraban en una posición clara de debilidad. Esta injusticia, junto con el legítimo derecho de la mujer a desarrollarse, personal y profesionalmente, en la mismas condiciones que los hombres, provocó su incorporación masiva al mercado de trabajo.

El problema es que ha quedado “descuidado” el flanco casero, y una de las principales consecuencias es el descenso alarmante del índice de natalidad. A grandes rasgos, y de manera muy resumida, un menor índice de natalidad supone una sociedad envejecida, y por lo tanto, más conservadora, y a largo plazo, más decadente y pobre (frente a otras sociedades más jóvenes que pertenecen a países en desarrollo –hoy, pero que en el día de mañana serán los motores del planeta-). En resumen, una auténtica bomba de relojería.

Este proceso ocurre muy lentamente (de manera parecida a la historia de la rana que cae en la olla llena de agua fría que se calienta a fuego lento y que termina por matar al animal).

Para intentar dar la vuelta a este gran problema social, las administraciones públicas crean campañas sobre conciliación y reparto igualitario de tareas en casa. Me parece una buena idea para concienciar a la gente, aunque creo que sería un error intentar imponer una fórmula universal.

Cada pareja (y cada familia) es un mundo. Como decía en un post anterior, se trata de optimizar la fórmula que depende, entre otras cosas, de los respectivos trabajos, habilidades y capacidades personales de cada miembro. Por eso, cada familia tendrá su propia fórmula de conciliación.

Lo que sí hay es un único principio sobre el que buscar esa fórmula, que es el de la corresponsabilidad. Dos personas se unen para crear un proyecto en común, una familia. Normalmente, el éxito de una unión no lo marca la igualdad entre las partes, sino la complementariedad.

Si me uno a una persona para crear una familia, lo lógico es dejar de pensar en “yo” para hacerlo en “nosotros” ( y más si se tienen hijos). Por lo tanto, las decisiones personales y profesionales quedan condicionadas por esta nueva realidad.

Habrá casos en que lo mejor para el conjunto sea que uno de los dos miembros sacrifique su carrera profesional (por lo menos, durante una temporada). Otros en los que lo óptimo sea que el sacrificio sea compartido (por supuesto, se sacrifica y se cede en unos aspectos para ganar en otros).

Si somos complementarios, habrá que buscar un equilibrio que será más complejo que la fórmula de repartirse el trabajo familiar igualitariamente. Como reconocen los protagonistas de los tres ejemplos que he citado anteriormente (todos ellos profesionales de élite con grandes reconocimientos), ellos no habrían podido conseguir todos sus éxitos y tener, al mismo tiempo, una familia, si sus parejas no hubieran hecho el esfuerzo de “cargarse el equipo a la espalda” en casa. ¡Eso es complementariedad!

Y con esto no quiero decir que uno de los dos miembros tenga que quedarse obligatoriamente en casa, y mucho menos, que las mujeres tengan que renunciar a las conquistas que han ido logrando. Repito que cada familia es un caso único, y que no hay una fórmula universal. Pero si hay hijos, hay que dedicarles no solo tiempo de calidad, sino también, tiempo en abundancia.

Toda unión supone un acuerdo, y todo acuerdo supone, como decía antes, cesiones en unos puntos para conseguir avances en otros. La base para estos acuerdos familiares debe ser la de la generosidad, el respeto y el sentido común mutuos, así como el reconocimiento del otro miembro como “tu igual”. Esta base posibilitará que la pareja pueda hacer frente y superar unida las turbulencias que, con total seguridad, van a aparecer por el camino.

Y por supuesto, si alguien de la pareja sacrifica su carrera profesional para dedicar más tiempo a la crianza de los hijos, es evidente que el otro miembro debe comprometerse a compensar la pérdida económica que supone el disminuir (total o parcialmente), no solo el salario mensual, sino los efectos que ello tiene en la cotización para jubilación o la pérdida de capacidad de ahorro de esa persona.

Una familia es un equipo. Si un equipo gana, lo hacen a la vez todos sus miembros. Y si pierde, igual. Unión significa compromiso, con tu pareja (que está “junto a ti”, no “detrás de ti”), y con tus hijos, a los que hay que preparar (es decir, educar) para lo que les espera en el futuro. Pero eso es otra historia que puedes leer pinchando en este enlace.

Y para terminar este post, qué mejor que esta canción de los White Stripes, que se llama “We´re going to be friends”.

Enjoy!!

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